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Incomplete

Susan Yates
January 6

Our daughter Libby had her first baby early last fall. After being married seven years she was very much looking forward to this incredible gift. Yet at the same time she had those questions many of us experience. “Mom,” she confided before the baby arrived, “Mac and I are so close that it’s a little scary to figure out how this baby will impact our marriage. Will the baby pull us apart? Can we still be as close when it’s not just the two of us?” “Yes,” I responded, “it will be different but even better. But you’ll just have to wait to see. It’s not anything you can imagine before the baby arrives! However I promise it will be wonderful!” And of course, it was.

Recently Libby and Mac left baby Greyson with her mother-in-law to go away for an overnight together–––their first time away without her. When I called to ask how their “honeymoon” was she said, “It was wonderful, Mom, but both Mac and I realized that we felt incomplete without her.”

As I reflected on her insight I realized that’s often how we feel as Empty Nesters. There’s just something different without the presence of our children. It is not necessarily bad. There are many very wonderful things about the empty nest, but there is also an underlying sense of incompleteness. I feel most complete with all of my children under my own roof. That’s one reason holidays without our kids are hard. But we have to make peace with this incomplete feeling. It’s normal and it’s just a different season.  It helps when we remember the past with thanksgiving while looking for the new blessings in this season!


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Anonymous @ 1/22/2009 9:05:52 AM 
Happy Birthday to the 55 year old below. What a great idea for choosing the honoree when many family members have a birthday in the same month! One of my grown children has come to recognize and appreciate his dad and I but the other isn't there yet. It might take awhile (I'm 53--the son is 25). But in the meantime we try to show our love and honor equally to them both. It's hard when they both live a day's drive away--in opposite directions! I appreciate Susan's wisdom about so many things!
Anonymous @ 1/12/2009 10:16:16 AM 
Yesterday was my birthday. Pat and I have 3 daughters. 4 of us have January birthdays, so we planned to get together on Sat to celebrate. When the time came, none of the fellas could make it. So it was just our original family of 5 and one 3-yr-old. What a joy to have "just us" together. The girls commented on how much fun it was without the other dynamic. I was glad they recognized that there is another dynamic! I don't think it had occurred to them before. I don't mind having "the boys" in the mix, but it was fun to have "just us" again after all this time.
Since we have a "multiple birthday" in January, we've found a way to allow an individual to feel special. If your age is divisible by 5, you become THE HONOREE! We have a candelabra that holds 5 candles. We take turns lighting a candle and saying a word of love or a memory to the honoree.
Yesterday I turned 55 and was the honoree. There is nothing like grown children. They finally recognize the love and sacrific
Anonymous @ 1/12/2009 7:11:14 AM 
Thanks for your honesty. Glad I'm not the only one.
Anonymous @ 1/10/2009 3:20:00 PM 
Wonderful story, Susan and congrats grandparents! I really liked the analogy to the empty nest! DP
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